Emotional Intelligence (EI) rather IQ is the key to success in life. I really enjoy enabling people to increase their emotional intelligence and enjoy the benefits of doing so. For anyone reading this who prefers a self help approach, here’s a way – Remember RULERR:
- Recognition:. Ignore your emotions and they’ll stay right here and progressively ruin your life. So regularly check in with yourself and recognise what you are feeling. Become conscious of what emotional state you are in….
- Understanding: Keep asking yourself “How come I am feeling this way?…what am I doing that is causing me to experience this state?
- Label: Name it to tame it. Be like a wine connoisseur with your feelings. Label what you are experiencing e.g. I’m feeling angry/anxious/confused /excited/sad/disappointed/down etc etc. Labelling really helps you to gain control and decide if you want to keep being in that state or just let it go.
- Express: Open up — but develop “display rules” so it’s safe for you to share what you are feeling (and without blaming someone or something for your emotion). No one can make you mad, sad, glad or whatever unless you let them!
- Regulate: 3rd person self-talk – use your own name or address yourself as “he/she/they” and “him/her/them.” e.g. Does he/she really need to be angry about X right now? rather than Do I need to be angry about X right now? – seems weird but it works!
- Reframe (look at it in a different, more constructive, useful way). Be your Best Self.
And how do you make RULERR easier to do and let your emotional intelligence grow? You can do this by just taking better care of yourself – Get enough sleep… eat healthily…exercise… see friends more… love the people you love more…laugh more …engage in activities/pastimes you find enjoyable.
